Over 30 Years Of Experience in Family Law And Criminal Defense

  1. Home
  2.  → 
  3. Divorce
  4.  → How do I talk to my spouse about divorce?

How do I talk to my spouse about divorce?

On Behalf of | Feb 19, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law |

You have tried everything in your power to make your marriage work. Because all else failed, you are officially ready to bring the “D” word into the conversation.

These are tips to help ease your spouse into the topic of divorce.

Make sure you are sure

This is a huge decision; make sure it is the right one. It should not be a decision you make out of anger or frustration. It must be the decision that makes the most logical sense for the two of you.

Divorce is not an argument but the conclusion to several unresolved arguments.

Understand what divorce is

Divorce is not easy, nor is it simple. There are many things to consider, such as property distribution, alimony, legal fees, child custody and child support. If you want to talk divorce, you have to be thoroughly prepared to talk about it.

Divorce is not a punishment or release; it is the end of a marriage and a legal process.

Choose a proper time and venue

Try to look for a very private place to start this crucial conversation. Do not make your spouse feel as if you are ambushing them. Also, consider the time and date; for example, try not to talk about the divorce on Valentine’s Day or when your spouse is especially tired. The time and place can be emotional triggers.

Prepare for the worst

If your spouse is not in the same position as you, they could be either furious or devastated. As much as possible, do not return their emotions with more anger. Be entirely ready to explain why you want a divorce, but also explain from a position of empathy and not hatred.

Do not blame anyone

Refrain from starting the blame game because nobody ever wins.

Know when to stand your ground

Be as gentle as possible, but also know when to put your foot down. Your spouse can use anything you say against you if they decide to contest the divorce rather than move on with a collaborative divorce. At the same time, if you are overcome with pity or other emotions, then you might start making promises you may regret later.

Try to be as levelheaded as possible. You were the one who wanted the divorce, and it was so hard for you to start this conversation. Think about how hard it must be for your spouse who did not want a divorce in the first place.